Community Wellness Means Naming What’s Real — Without Letting It Become Your Identity.

There is a lot that we are carrying. Politics. Racism. Violence. Loss. What we see on the news, what comes across our phones, and what we experience in our own lives.

“Life be lifing.”

So when Dr. Ronke Pedersen joined me and I asked her to describe the state of our mental health as a Black community in one word, she said:

“Exhausted.”

And wwwhheeewwww, that hit all of us who were listening.

But she also reminded us that being exhausted does not take away our ability, or our right, to experience Black Joy.

As Dr. Ronke put it, “That does not mean we’re exempt from joy or any of the other positive feelings.”

That became the focus of our conversation.

We have to be real about what we are dealing with. Trauma is real. Grief is real. Racism is real. But we cannot allow trauma to become the only way we see ourselves. Nor can society define us only through the lens of “trauma-informed care,” as if we are only broken, wounded or unhealed.

I said it during the show this way:

Sit with it. But don’t get in bed with it.

Sit with it. Feel it. Validate what happened. But when “I’m not okay” turns into not eating, not sleeping, isolating, drinking more, smoking more or simply not functioning like yourself, we have to pay attention.

And then Dr. Ronke reminded us of something else: we talk a lot about what we inherited through trauma, but trauma is not all we inherited.

“We also inherited that beauty,” she said. “You inherit the gifts.”

We inherited brilliance. Creativity. Faith. Innovation. Culture.

The ability to make something out of what sometimes looked like nothing.

And maybe most importantly, as she said:

“They don’t get to define us. They don’t get to define who we are.”

That does not mean ignoring the realities around us. Sometimes wellness is also action.

Speak up when it is safe. Make the call. Send the email. Advocate for your child. Talk to somebody you trust. Get involved. Use your voice!!!

Dr. Ronke reminded us, “We’re not completely powerless.” And sometimes using our power means finding a safe way to shed some of what has been put on us instead of carrying it alone.

We cannot carry every issue or fix everything happening in the world. But we are not powerless either.

And we need a wellness toolbox: therapy if we need it, medication if we need it, people who love us, faith, laughter, movement, medical care, good food, water, rest — whatever helps keep us whole.

And yes, rest.

Dr. Ronke said something I think we all need to hear:

“It’s not that you need rest or you want rest, but you also deserve it.”

Not because we earned it after working ourselves into the ground.

Because we deserve it.

Black Joy does not mean pretending everything is okay.

It means understanding that everything happening to us does not get to own all of our being.

We can grieve and still laugh.

We can fight and still rest.

We can acknowledge our trauma and work toward our healing, while we also remember our greatness.

That is part of what community wellness looks like to me:

Name what’s real. Take care of yourself. Use your power when you can. Rest when you need to. And remember who you are.